On Our 52nd Wedding Anniversary...
...a tribute to marriage.
After all these years, I still choose us!
I have officiated at dozens of weddings in my pastoral career. Each time I stand in the chancel with the communion table behind me, I recall that day when a young woman I thought was out of my league put on a ring I had financed after repeating some words spoken by our good friend and pastor, the Rev. Dr. Robert H. Crilley. I did the same, and voila—we became a married couple.
And here we are—more than five decades later—with two kids, many mistakes and a few victories—along with some medical challenges behind us—and we are still together. I never doubted that for a moment. I believe in marriage, and many folks who have listened to me over the years have shared their perception that my words seem to reflect what I believe. I am both pleased and humbled.
I am not a prude by any stretch, but I am always troubled by those who choose long-term cohabitation over legal matrimony. I do not judge those who choose such an arrangement on purely moral grounds, but I am concerned about the nature of their commitment. If the absence of “a piece of a paper” makes it easier to walk away, what does that say about the resolve to abide in a relationship that is not always glamorous—and frequently challenging? If it is anything, a marriage is the evidence that two people have resolved to join their lives for all the joy and purpose—as well as for the heartache—that such a union brings.
Working in the healthcare field, I have witnessed one partner or the other in an unmarried relationship become completely shut out by a hospital when the other partner is admitted under trauma conditions—and there is no medical power of attorney. I have been known to offer to sign a marriage license without a ceremony for such folks before they get to that critical juncture. Nobody has yet taken me up on my offer. Sadly, I have been around long enough to have seen the very scenario I described come to pass. It is always heartbreaking.
Photo by Denny Muller on Unsplash
We would be mistaken to assert that the Bible ordains the institution of marriage—at least not in the form that we understand it. There have always been betrothals—Mary was betrothed to Joseph—but little is known about anything resembling a wedding ceremony for them or anybody else in the biblical narrative. In ancient Israel, marriage was a covenant between a man and a woman much like the covenant between God and humans. A covenant is a free choice, and it requires daily renewal.
We still use language like that in modern marriages ceremonies. My clergy colleagues and I would just as soon not have to deal with state requirements. Most of us do not like being an agent of the state and would prefer that the wedding take place in the worshiping community independent of any license requirement. That way, it comes closer to being a religious observance than what passes for weddings these days. I have officiated services in a variety of venues outside of the church, but I must confess that I prefer the ceremony that takes place in a hallowed sanctuary. Few weddings take place in the midst of Sunday worship, but honestly, that is where they all ought to be.
Interestingly, marriage was not formalized in the Roman Catholic Church until the late medieval period, with no priestly presence nor vows required (McSheffrey, 2006). The state does not care even today if there is a ceremony or not as long as the proper paperwork is filed by almost any person who pays a fee to be “ordained.” Don’t get me started!
Our wedding was in a very traditional church setting with all the trappings and about 300 attendees. Lorraine and met in a young adult Sunday School class at the historic Fort Street Presbyterian Church in downtown Detroit. As it turns out, our two sons were baptized there, and I got my first preaching experience as a very young man. We both “came of age” in the community, and we were around long enough to have said goodbye to some folks who mentored each of us along the way. I hope I lived down my naivete in those early “sermons.”
The church is first and foremost a community, and it is still the best place to meet one’s future spouse! As luck would have it, I had acquired a respiratory infection the night before the wedding, and so, I was rendered voiceless with laryngitis. We used to have a cassette tape of the ceremony, on which I could be heard barely whispering my “I do!”
We were married on Epiphany, January 6, 1973 because we wanted a Christmas theme. The poinsettias and those hurricane lamps carried by the ladies were beautiful—they worse red or green velvet dresses which complemented the lovely satin wedding gown with that delightful bonnet worn by my stunning bride—it was quite the day!
In the intervening timeframe, there have been challenges to our wellbeing, and now that we are in our seventies, the medical issues become more prominent. I came close to losing Lorraine twice. That was an experience I never want to repeat, although I probably will someday. My final charge to wedding couples often includes an admonition that sounds something like this:
As you stand here today, I remind you that the day will come—hopefully many years hence—when one of you will lay the other in the loving arms of God for the last time. And on that day, I pray that you will be found loving one another as much as you do on this blessed day when it all began! Amen.
After all this time, I still choose us. Happy anniversary, my darling!
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